there are no super heroes.
if you need saved...It’s ALL on YOU.
How terrifying, right? From infancy we have been lulled into believing the very best versions of society.
- People are basically good.
- If you get into trouble there are authorities (police, firemen, judges, etc.) who will protect you.
- If someone does something bad to you, turn the other cheek and forgive.
- Bullies are hurting inside and are just lashing out, feel sorry for them, ignore it, and it will go away.
And while all of those statements “can” be true. We both know that frequently, they are not true.
- There are people out there who either actively seek to do you harm or don’t care about the inadvertent harm they cause.
- The piece of paper that restraining order is printed on doesn’t prevent violence or provide peace of mind. There are those in positions of power who have a “blame the victim” mentality and simply don't care to help you. In the case of cyber crimes or online attacks, often the laws simply haven’t caught up with technology.
- If someone does something bad to you, you can turn the other cheek and forgive all you want, but often your silence is met with more embolden attacks against you.
- When people are hurting you, damaging your livelihood and reputation, do you really care if they didn’t get enough hugs growing up? You just want it to stop.
Like 7.5 million adults in America alone, I am the victim of a stalker. For the past 14 years, I have been the target of a deranged campaign that has negatively affected every aspect of my life. You can read about my incredible ordeal on the about tab or in the link below. For the first decade. I listened to lawyers, police officers, and victims advocates, and for all of their well meaning advice, their efforts did little to make things better. In fact, following their advice often made things worse....much, much worse.
In October 2012, as I huddled under blankets with my kids, with no heat or electricity, in a motel in New Jersey, while Hurricane Sandy raged around us, I surveyed what was left of my life and made a decision. If we survived, I was going to take back control of my life. I didn't know how, but I wasn't going to spend another moment looking for a super hero to save me, to shield my children, or protect my business. I was going to become my own super hero. I was going to create a "do over." I was going to take back control over my life.
Since then, I have dedicated myself to figuring out the "real" people that can provide answers, the actual steps to take to get results, and the methods that people with power and knowledge use to protect themselves, their families, and interests. I have spoken to hundreds of legal experts, protection and privacy experts, internet service providers, even self-help gurus and I have distilled their knowledge and advice into step-by-step actions that you can take to get past the fear, shame, and depression and take control.
I am the victim of a nut job. Maybe you are too. Or maybe you have stumbled and just don't see a way back to happiness and security. Maybe you have been taught that you don't deserve happiness. Maybe you have never really felt happy or secure. No matter why, you have wasted too much time waiting and hoping and praying for some super hero to save you. But the frightening fact is, it is all on you.
YOU have to save yourself.
YOU have to regain your own voice and your own power.
YOU have to slay the monsters.
YOU have to create your own "do overs."
YOU have to become your own super hero.
Part of taking back the power in my life is sharing what I have learned with others. Like me, I bet right now you don't care about motivational theory or the psychology behind being a victim of others or of your own missteps. If you are here, dollars to donuts, you just want to know, step-by-step how to make make whatever or whoever is hurting you, stop.
Life is unfair. Often life is really unfair. I spent years wallowing in depression and misery, asking one person after another to help me, to save me. Moaning about how unfair my situation was and the only thing that I got for all those wasted years was older. When I started distilling the processes and creating step-by-step plans for myself, my life changed dramatically. I'm still being stalked, and there are set backs and sometimes there is still tears and embarrassment, but the difference between the me of 5 or 6 years ago and the me today....I understand the process and I can compartmentalize the behavior of a nut job, and limit the effect that it has on my life.
Now for some tough love. Changing your life, regaining control, being your own superhero is simple....but its hard. It's simple because you just pick your problem, follow the steps, and when you have completed the steps and achieved the goal, pick your next problem, follow the steps, and so on and so on. Simple. But change, even positive change can be extremely emotional, getting out from under an abuser's thumb can be scary, and just standing up if you have been down for so long can be really difficult. But you can do it. You just have to do it.
Today I try to reach as many people as possible through radio shows, interviews, workshops, video, classes, and speaking events. My goal, my singular focus, is to give people control over their personal and professional lives. To make that easier to find the step-by-step guide that you need, I have divided my content into four categories.
Content posted here is also posted on Stand Up To Stalking and Bullying a companion site dedicated to providing resources for adult victims of stalking, bullying, harassment, and for businesses that have to deal with online harassment and work place bullying issues. While geared towards stalking and bullying issues and the step-by-step methods of dealing with both physical and online attacks, much of the information is germane to any adult. As the saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. You can also find excerpts from my radio show Stand Up to Stalking and Bullying and links to speaking events and online workshops.
As the head of Orndee Omnimedia, a public relations and crisis management firm in NYC that focuses in part on helping personalities and brands, large and small, create a brand re-boot or do over, I am frequently asked for advice on tricky business situations, including reputation management issues and dealing with work place bullying. I post content from my other radio show Ask Alex @ Orndee and information about branding, crisis management, and creating positivity in the workplace.
For me, one of the most heartbreaking and sadly frequent questions that I get is "what now?" So many people have been demoralized and down for so long, that even after they have regained control, they just don't know how to live, how to figure out what brings them joy. I'm not a psychiatrist or a counselor, so the best that I can do is share my personal path and hope that my openness about my own trials and tribulations and struggles to become "me" again, inspire you to become you.
I believe in "do overs" and second (or third or fourth or fifth) chances. Whether you have been victimized and abused, you have made wrong turns or bad decisions, or you just find yourself dissatisfied with your life, you can create a do over and change your direction. You just have to know how.
My goal is to create an army, an army of people who have regained their voice, have taken back control over their lives, have created their own new beginnings and do overs and are happy and secure forces of positivity in their own lives and in the world around them. My goal is to share my journey and my experiences to educate and inspire others who are struggling with the same impotence, desperation, fear, and shame that held me down for so long. My goal is to help YOU become the super hero that YOU need. So, pick your problem, follow the steps. It's all on you, but I'm right here to help.